A few modest proposals for those tasked with writing polls for the USA Today website:
1. Should Dick Cheney get the death penalty for shooting his buddy Harry full of bird shot?
a. No, he should get life in an undisclosed location.
b. No, but Harry should be allowed to shoot him back at ten paces.
c. Yes, but only if he promises to not come back as a flesh-eating zombie. (Oh wait--did that already happen?)
2. Should Team USA get all the gold medals at the Olympics because we rid the world of Saddam Hussein?
a. No, but Saddam should be tied to the bottom of the French bobsled as a handicap.
b. No, the Brits should get a couple too, but only the boring ones that we don't want anyway; definitely not snowboarding!
c. Well, duh!
3. Should USA Today be used as toilet paper?
a. Yes.
b. No, it might give you a rash.
c. No, because that would imply you had to buy it first.
