Tired but...

I am really too tired to write much of anything these days.  But I had to stop in and tell you something.  I talked a mom today with a six-week old and a 22-month old and she is ready to kill somebody and certain that she is a failure as a mom and doesn't know why she can't handily parent two kids like she sees so many others doing.

I told her, and I'll tell you:  No, you aren't a failure or crazy it just really is that hard.  It is, it is.  It is totally normal to feel like you want to die, and that you'd perhaps even like to take a little person out with you when you go.

Yes, you should get some help--a friend, a relative, the UPS man, anyone!  Someone who can give you a nap for a hour, or a trip to the store alone or something.  Beg if you have to, pick up the phone and call someone you barely know.  And tell yourself that "this too shall pass" because it shall, it really shall.

Won't it, ya'll?  Tell her about it!

Comments

[danni]

Please, take the advice, I would rather miss my mother for a hour or two then deal with a mother with no patientence. Yes, I understand it is not as easy as that some days but please try. Sometimes it feels good to miss someone, you get to appreciate them more!

[Silph]

I ain't no parent yet, but I can't help but suspect that it's these types of posts that REALLY MATTER to people. this is the affirming strength-giving you're-not-so-bad stuff that blogs were meant to give!

you're great for making this kind of post, i'm sure there are many parents out there who might not leave a comment, but feel a drop of encouragement and feeling fundamentally okay, because of this post you made.

(===
the UPS man
===

lol, an on an unrelated note, why do I find their uniforms so sexy?)

[caro]

I just started reading The Mask of Motherhood, and it's about this very thing: It is so hard, and so many of us go into it absolutely clueless about how hard it will be, because it is so, so rare to find women talking about it candidly. Instead of preparing one another for how hard it is or supporting one another through it, we are all "Oh, my baby started walking at six months" and "Isn't your baby sleeping through the night yet?" And as a result everyone feels like they're the only one who can't manage. The book has made me cry more than once (and I'm only 20 pages in) because it's so right about this. Why did I not read it four years ago?

[Donita]

It will pass, you are NOT crazy, you ARE a good mother, you are NOT alone (even though it totally feels like it) people willl help when you reach out, but you need to reach out! You need to take care of yourself which in turn will take care of your babies. A healthy parent makes a healthy babe. PLEASE pick up the phone and talk to someone - I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL!

[Meg]

I loved this post. As a mama to a very active 17 month old (a mama who is also working full time and in grad school) this really rings true for me. Thanks for posting it and reminding me to reach out for help when I need it.

[Jessica]

Yes it is a hard balance. You have to let the laundry go, the dishes pile up, eat cold cereal for dinner...you can't do it all - don't feel bad about that. Reach out for help. 6 weeks is not long enough to feel completely balanced. The first 3 months are very tiring. It does get easier.

[elswhere]

I remember when the Mermaid Girl was about 6 weeks old we were invited to a gathering at a friend's house in Olympia and when we got there all I could do was hide in the bedroom and cry, I was so tired and so overwhelmed and it had taken so much out of us just to get out of the house and drive down the highway an hour or so. I felt like such a loser, like what was the matter with me that one tiny little baby could reduce me to a pathetic nonfunctioning sobbing heap within just a few weeks?

And we had only the one.

But really there was nothing wrong with me. I was just tired. We had a baby who cried a lot and we were wrung out. My mom told me once that when I was a baby HER mom used to come over every week and take over for the afternoon and make a big pot of soup. We didn't have that,or anything like it, and we needed it.

[Jenna]

Oh, goodness. I don't know how I survived the first six weeks or so. Even someday now, at five months and twenty-nine months, I'm mostly insane, exhausted or both. There are glimmers of something that resembles normal and, thankfully, they're starting to get closer together!

But it does get more manageable, yes. It begins to feel right and suddenly you can make dinner and get everyone to bed at a decent hour and life doesn't suck. In fact, it feels pretty good.

[Tammi]

There is a reason that the airline attendants tell you to first put on your oxygen mask, then assist those around you.

Take care of yourself first or you will be unable to care for others.

This is not all lollypops and sunshine! We are all getting by one day, one moment at a time.