Anniversary

February is a month of many things. It is my birthday month, Nat's birthday (and placement) month, and it is the month in which Cole and I met.

I can't tell you exactly what day of February Cole and I met. It was sometime after my birthday, and I was recovering from a New Year's break up with a six-month fling that probably lasted 5 months too long. My best pal, Sasha insisted I make a road trip with her to the freezing, flat, blustery Midwest in order to scope out a graduate program in a field I had never heard of, "Kinesiology," so that she could decide whether it was right for her.

Upon our bedding down in a cheap motel for our first night on the prairie, Sasha said with near awe, "Shannon! I have brought you to a strange, flat place!" It was cold too, as the heater in the motel wasn't working.

That evening (prior to the cold motel) we had met the dashing Dr. Cole and I had done my very best to flirt with her (mainly by making it immediately clear that I was not Sasha's girlfriend, which is something that everyone used to always assume, given our joined-at-the-hip friendship and rather communal lifestyle). I also dropped all kinds of hints that she should show up at this town's sole queer bar, where Sash and I were headed to shoot some pool and watch Olympic ice skating.

She didn't show.

A week later, I sent her an email, telling her how facinating I had found an article she wrote in the journal she edits and making up some kind of quasi-intelligent excuse for contacting her with a question about it (since, English ABD that I was, kinesiology writing was ever so important to my work, right?).

She didn't respond.

I gave up, as it was clear she had no interest in me whatsoever.

A few weeks later, but still in a bit of a mope over my January breakup, I looked to Sasha for remedy (or, perhaps, knowing Sasha, she thrust remedy upon me). She offered me some Berkley-spun astrological wisdom in the form of a series of cassette tapes of lectures by some woman who makes a living hanging out in resorts, telling people to cheer up, that their inner most selves are great and good. In one of these tapes, the lecturer outlined a ritual in honor of the goddess Aphrodite (she called her Venus, as it was astology, but I always think of her as Aphropdite). It was a ritual to bring love into your life.

I decided that while I didn't particularly want to try and force "love" into my life, that I could use a ritual to move beyond the whole breakup thing and wash my hands of all future control over love. Instead of a ritual to bring love, I'd convert the ritual to put my fate in God's (here, imagined as Aphrodite's) hands. So I sat down one Friday night and went about the following tasks (as modified from the lecture tapes):

1. I hollowed out a small loaf of bread and inserted the following: five pennies (the number 5, and copper being related to Aphrodite), some honey, a slip of paper containing what I wanted in a partner (top of my list? "Someone who loves herself"), and a small candle.

2. I lit the candle, put on a pile of cds of women vocalists I found inspiring and made a piece of bad art (the only kind I make!) that nonetheless expressed the mood of the whole thing.

3. I worked at my task until the candle burned itself out.

4. On Sunday, I carried my loaf of bread down to the bit of Rock Creek Park known as the "P Street Beach," made my way to the creek's edge, held the loaf in my hands and told God (via the Goddess Aphrodite) "I will not try to force love into my life anymore. From now on, I will only accept love offered from your hands."

5. I tossed the bread into the water in a perfect arc. Immediately, a mated pair of mallards flew from the banks of the creek and devoured it. That seemed like a good sign.

I walked home to find an email waiting on my computer from Dr. Cole.

Thus commenced a precipitous e-flirtation, unbroken for the next 72 hours except for the few hours Cole was actually in the classroom, teaching. By the end of the week, she had revealed to me the urgent research she absolutely had to do at the Library of Congress over spring break, a week hence. And so we had our first "date" which lasted 6 days during some later part of March.

That was five years ago this year. My life changed in a whirlwind after I tossed that bread in the creek. I was a single and carefree city girl then; now I'm living in a strange, flat place, with a partner and child and one on the way. Be careful what you ask for!

That's Aphrodite up there on my blog header. I took the photo when we were in Athens. I like to think of her as the patron of our family. She's the female aspect of God that keeps watch over us and keeps our lives so full of light, laughter and of course, love. We are really lucky and we are really blessed.

It's been an amazing five years!

Comments

[Emma]

awwww

[DS-L]

What a great story. Thanks for sharing. I love love!
DS-L

[Trey]

Happy Anniversary!!

That is a great story. Guy and I had an email courtship (old fashioned word for a new fashioned technology) for days and our first date was 6-7 days too :).

[regine]

Now I understand oen of the reasons why I'm so drawn to this blog. Feb is my birth month too. That was very interesting, and thank you for sharing. Did you find out why the good doctor didn't respond right away, or do you believe that in letting go and trusting in a higher power generate the right response/energy or something of that nature? Just wondering.
You and Cole sound like you've been together for much longer. ..
Happy Birthday to you, to Nat, and who knows? the next one might be this month too. ..

[caro]

Awesome. Happy anniversary!

[Heather]

beautiful. thank you for sharing. February is a big month for our family too... my husband was an early birthday present for his mother, who passed away while he ( and she as well) was young, and I can't help but hope that we can add another february baby to the family in her honor.
Nat is such a blessed little girl, having Mommies that love each other so incredibly and beautifully !

[Alexandra]

Lovely ritual (and thanks for blogging about female happy professors day). Feb is big for us too - it was when we met, when Katrina was born, and its my bday too. A cold month, but a good month!

[Sara]

Congratulations on your anniversary. What a beautiful love story. Thanks for sharing it.

[kris]

I'm saving this post. I'm doing this ritual. Letting go, so important in order to receive. What a beautiful love story. Thank you for sharing it... and happy anniversary.
Kris

[carrie]

Child on the way? Huh? Where have I been? Please please point out where I can find the post with this happy news! (or was this it)?
Wow. WOnderful.

[Beth]

I am newish to your blog ... what a beautiful post. Happy Anniversary! :-)

[frog]

One on the way! Woot!

[Robin]

Now that's a great story! Congrats, you guys!

[:: jozjozjoz ::]

Thanks for sharing your great love story. Happy anniversary!