Oh Right, We're Waiting

When we first got on the waiting list for baby#2, we were so ambivalent that the 18-22-month wait didn't phase us. That's about twice as long as the projected wait when we got on the list for Nat.* But up until recently, we really didn't even notice we were waiting.

It's been about two and a half months now and suddenly we are ready for a baby...now. I think it may be the age Nat is getting to, and how fun she's been lately. She is arriving at full-fledged toddlerhood and turning into a little person with the ability to communicate (almost) and express her independence and show affection and I think we are both starting to see how it will be to have a genuine third person in the family and we want yet another.

Sometimes I think we have the capacity to turn into one of those families with a zillion adopted and/or foster kids. It seems like a lot of fun. Then I check in on lionmom and get a dose of reality. It isn't that she changes my mind entirely about wanting to foster teen girls someday (when our little children are a bit older), but she definitely helps me sort fact from fantasy.

Still, we have dreams of twins. Whenever I hear about someone having or adopting twins, I feel jealous. Which is kind of nuts, because of course, twins have got to be so hard to handle in the first couple of years. But seeing as the time flies (and seeing as Uncle David is moving in next door, soon) it definitely seems like it would be worth it in the long-run.

So yesterday I called the agency to ask the inane question about how long we have left to wait. The director, bless her adoptive mom (of eleven, I think, at last count) heart, called Cole at work and left a lengthy message telling us:

1. The officially agency wait is no longer 18-22 months, it is now 15-18 months.
2. We are sixth from the bottom of the entire list.
3. There are approximately fifty families ahead of us.
4. So it's looking like about 15 months.

I told Cole that if they show profiles in batches of three, it's actually only 15ish families ahead of us, and Cole delicately pointed out that math is not my strong suit, reminding me that um, out of the three, only one gets picked.

Oh yeah.

(I could have been that Barbie they had to recall who said "Math is hard!" when they pulled her string, but my boobs are actually too small for the smallest bra, I am not blonde and my feet are perpendicular to my legs rather than pointing permanently down into a pointy-toed, high-heel shape.)

So, fifteen months if everything flows along smoothly and the agency continues to place 3-4 babies a month. (If my math is off, please don't tell me.)

I know the baby will get here when it should get here and it will be the right baby at the right time. I just wish the right time was in about 2 months. But what do I know?

And yes, I do realize the that the flip side of this whole thing is that a supply of babies has to be coming from women in horribly desperate, unjust situations whose hearts are getting broken by the whole process. Which dampens my ability to put all my energy into truly hoping we get a baby soon, since that means more women's hearts are getting broken.

That's adoption for you--full of all kinds of ambivalence.

ETA I have to take some responsibilty for the wait. I'd say at least five of the fifty families ahead of us were referred to the agency by me!



* We got Nat after only 4 months--about half the time we expected.

Comments

[M. (An Elephant's Gestation)]

I know what you mean about the ambivalence. It's a hard thing to want... but how can you help but want it at the same time?

Like you, we just heard about some friends who are adopting twins, and I'm feeling intensely jealous.

I hope your wait is short.

[Sarah]

Dude, I am so "math is hard" barbie. Ok, not exactly barbie, I've the got the double d's, and I get blond on a quarterly basis, but the rest of me is definetly mortal.
Good luck with your waiting!

[Tracy]

I don't normally "vent" on someone else's blog; after all, it's personal space, and who am I to spill my opinions all over it? But I felt compelled to comment when you said "..a supply of babies has to be coming from women in horribly desperate, unjust situations whose hearts are getting broken by the whole process." I don't think that's true for every adoption. Many women who make their children available for adoption are women who are not in crisis, who are not in horribly unjust situations, but are simply at a time and place where they cannot parent a child. Or they realize that for whatever reason, they shouldn't parent this child. I do agree that it probably does cause heartbreak..as an adoptive parent, I've seen that heartbreak first hand, as have you, but many, many of these women are acting as loving parents, making the best choice that they can so their child will grow up happy (hopefully) and fulfilled--not because they were mothers in crisis, but because they were mothers who were able to do as most mothers do--make a difficult choice that would ultimately be best for the child.

I hope I didn't offend you. I read your blog regularly and I think it is beautiful and wonderful, but I just felt I needed to say that. Take care!

[Renee]

I check in daily waiting for your ITS and GIRL or ITS a BOY or ITS TWINS *grin* post. It will happen! We were just matched with a 3yr old girl. Her birthday is exactly one day before Olivias...how strange is that? She moves in next Wednesday! yay!

Renee, Shana, Olivia and Jordan!

[Overwhelmed!]

"That's adoption for you--full of all kinds of ambivalence."

This is so very true! It's nice when others know what you're feeling.

Good luck with the wait.

[Jackie]

You would not believe-- or maybe you would!-- the amount of people who have told me that they always dreamed of having twins! Sometimes it was when the girls were screaming at each other or fighting, and I would be thinking, "Well lady, you can have these if you want them so badly!"

But now that they are four, I gotta say, the first year is definitely difficult, but by now I really love having twins! Hope you get the chance to try it out someday!