Steer Clear of Adoption.Com

A long time ago (before Nat) I went up to Adoption.Com and registered for their forums.

What did I know? It seemed as good a place as any to chit-chat with other prospective adopters about stuff, right?

But as I started chit-chatting, I discovered that any post of mine in which gay or lesbian parenting was mentioned was being summarily erased by mystery moderators. At first I didn't get it. I would repost with a little note saying "hey, my message disappeared! Whoops, well, here's that info again:..." and then that message would be removed by mystery moderators. That happened three or four times (including the post in which I said "hey, are your erasing my posts because I'm gay, or what?") and I shrugged and left and never went back.

Then I heard that a gay couple was suing Adoption.Com for refusing to let them buy a paid prospective adopters profile spot on the site. Now I hear about this action from some members of the glbt adoption listserv I'm on and I thought I should share it with you all.

I know lots of you are forming families through adoption and I know you are concerned with adoption ethics. So please join the boycott of Adoption.Com's services and sponsors and spread the word.

Meanwhile, here is what Ethica has to say about glbt adoption.

Comments

[art-sweet]

Such a shame that they have claimed the domain name "adoption" for themselves.

No money of mine going their way.

Thanks for spreading the word on this Shannon!

[Nancy]

I just called and left a message for Nathan Gwilliam as indicated by the link you posted. We could flood their phones.

I'm really pissed off.

[Christine]

Thank you for bringing this to our attention; please keep up updated on the progress of the lawsuit. Could you also share more information about your GLBT listserve?

[Susan]

The Soul of Adoption (http://soulofadoption.com/forum/index.php) has set up forums and is explicitly welcoming people who are fleeing the adoption.com forums. Soul of adoption is a newer site whose purpose is to air stories of adoption from all sides. As it develops it's making wonderful connections among people with all kinds of ties to adoption.

I'm so pissed at adoption.com.

[Brian]

Thanks for pointing this out.

[trey]

I heard about the lawsuit last year, some acquaintences of ours are on it. Adoption.com is very lgbt un-friendly. I'll have to check up on how the law suit is going.

[Terrance]

More compassionate conservatism for ya. Keeping more kids from finding loving homes, by any means necessary. You can bet I'm going to be posting about this. I'll do what I can to help out with any actions related to Adoptions.Com

[Maria Morris-Burke]

I am planning to bring this to the attention of my PFLAG group at our next meeting.
Thank you too, for leading me to the wonderful blog Straight not Narrow.
Hugs to Nat and to both of you. Your writing always makes me feel like I truly know you and although I don't always comment, I like to drop by just to see how you are dong.

[Oscar]

I don't have kids not have I ever had any desire to have whether mine or adopted. I also always have thought that gays adopting is a psychological situation based on the feeling of inadequacy within their families. I knew I was gay when I was 5 years old. I was raped at 13 by two cousins and it went on for 3 years. I have never felt inadequate nor out of place in this world. I grew up in a catholic country, in a catholic family that would not have understood my feelings or situation, so, I kept them out and created my own family thru friends. After all a man and a woman, 2 men or 2 women that decide to form a family are total strangers. So as I said before my family were my friends. I'm now 67 yeras old and have no hangups about being gay or being raped. The last one was not my doings, although I was involved against my will, it just happened. Is virtually like a car accident that someone does to you and was not your fault. Why get hanged up on it?. Put it away in your mind and keep on going. I have taken care of a few of my friends that have died of AIDS. I felt there loss as much as that of my own parents. I've done well in life, I'm now retired, I feel is simply because I always have had the courage to face whatever has happened in my life face on and take responsability for what has been my fault. What has not been my fault I faced it also and dealt with it honestly. Feeling sorry for oneself for something that was not your fault is sick and wrong. I really think that some raped people, both men and women, carry this as a monkey on their backs to look for sympathy because they feel sorry for themselves. They are really sick and they need help. Psychological help.

[cluttergirl]

Hmm, strange to post this after that Oscar comment.. I really have no idea what adoption of children has to do with rape, but whatever. I am sorry to hear that about Adoption.com and will keep that in mind. I'll check out the soulofadoption site. The Ethica statement was fantastic. Quick to the point and spot-on, thanks.

[kim.kim]

adoption.com was always unethical, you shouldn't have been supporting them anyway.

[Sammy]

UPDATE:
Before everyone goes running to 'soul of adoption', please know that this site appears to be an anti-adoption site. They do pride themselves on 'all walks of life' but they are not to keen on adoption. I have visited that site quite often, and when it started, it seemed to be a great place to go, but as things unfolded, it is clear the tone of that forum has changed.

I am horrified by what I have read on there over the last year or so. They claim that they are there to educate, however if you don’t agree with their philosopy, which in most cases, adoption is wrong, you will get a quite a few nasty emails. There are quite a few adoptive parents that I have contacted from that site, and asked why they stay, and they informed that it is because they stay clear from the majority of posters and only stay in their own specific 'threads'.

There was a new adoption site that developed due to the constant 'in your face, adoption is wrong' attitude, and a new forum was made.

http://www.adoptionfriendly.com/index.php

This site is different from 'soul of adoption', because it is considered the 'friendly site'.
The site, like 'soul of adoption', caters to all sides of the triad; however, it is more of a respectable, balanced site.

So if you are seriously considering looking for a forum to get support without being bashed for having different views, then this site might actually be more enlighten.

The biggest issue with 'Soul of adoption' is that they cannot get beyond that not everyone, from birth mothers, adoptees, and adoptive parents, are not angry. People do and can move on.

As for adoption.com, they continue to still be anti-GLBT and anti-single parenting.